My worst habbit


**trigger warning**

Day 23 of the 30 day blogging challenge, a post on my worst habit.

My worst habit for a while has been self harm, there are lots of forms of self harm, I personally cut myself. I have been trying to stop for a while, but it is very hard to stop; Until about a week ago i was 8 months clean, i am very proud of myself for going so long! I started self harming around 3 years ago, the first time i did it was by accident, i had been feeling very bad about myself, so when i realized how good the release felt, i took apart a pencil sharpener; for a long time i was hurting myself daily; i would usually cut my upper leg so no one would notice, for a while i did cut my wrist, but because my school has a set PE kit which is short sleeved, I couldn’t do much damage or people would have noticed. The first person to find out was a friend of mine who was going through the same thing, we talked quite a bit and tried to help each other out as much as possible, another one of my friends found out, she was incredibly supportive and would message me every night to make sure i was okay; she made a huge difference and stopped me doing anything more serious. They are the only people who know about my self harm. I am happy that i am trying to get better, i am mainly doing this because i don’t want my parents to find out, i don’t want them to get upset of think they did anything wrong. The reason i still want to hurt myself is because i don’t like who i am, i walk past a mirror and i hate the face that is looking back at me; i hate my body, i wish i was slimmer; i hate that i’m selfish and i always compare myself to people around me, i know its not healthy, but i cant help it; another reason for my self harm was i was struggling with lots of anxiety at the time. I have never been diagnosed with depression but i think i may have depression, i have done some research on it and i can relate to a lot of the symptoms; i think that once i turn sixteen, if i’m still feeling this way, i will go to my GP and see if there is any way i can get better. I have been thinking about going to a GP for a while, but i am worried they would tell my parents.

Thank you for reading!

The small quiet one X


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