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My worst habit

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***trigger warning***

Day 23 of the 30 day blogging challenge is a post about my worst habit.

My worst habit is self harming, this is a thing i have been doing for around 3 years; the first time i self harmed it was by accident, but i felt overwhelming relief; so when i got home i took apart a pencil sharpener. I had been feeling very depressed and bad about myself for quite a while, so when i found a way to relive the pain i used it as much as possible. For a long time i was cutting myself daily. I only cut the upper part of my leg, this is to avoid people from seeing. The only people who know about my self harm are 2 of my friends. I told one of them myself; she was going through the same thing and we helped each other out as much as possible; around a year later she accidentally said something about my self harm to one of my closest friends. She was so supportive and helped me a huge amount; she stopped me doing anything more serious; i am so great full to have such an amazing friend. At the moment they both think i am better; i had been clean for around 7 or 8 months, until a week ago. I am proud of myself for going so long without hurting myself. I am trying to stop, mainly because i am scared of my parents finding out; i don’t want them to get angry with me or think i am just doing it for attention. Self harm is really hard to stop, recently the urges have come back and they are really strong; i don’t know how i’m going to deal with it, but i’m going to try my hardest. I may have to tell one of my friends that i’m getting bad again, but i don’t want her to worry about me; yet at the same time, i know i need support from someone.

Thank you for reading!

The small quiet one X

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