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The calm before the storm

Hi everyone

Sorry so many of my posts lately have been so negative; I have a feeling this is going to be another one.

I don’t know what I’m feeling anymore. I’m stressed about school work but I can’t find the motivation to do any, I’m tired but I find it hard to fall asleep, I’ve been getting super irritable for no reason and after being at school all day once I get home I’m drained, this is straining my relationship with my parents because they just want to know how my day was but I’m already so tired that I get snappy and rude, and I know it. I just don’t know how to regain control of myself. I haven’t been hurting myself which I guess is good, I still feel like I want to but I’m trying my hardest. Small things bother me more than ever and my patience is getting shorter and shorter but I have no idea why. 

I keep trying to remember at what point during the day I was happy, but I don’t think I’ve actually felt happy for a while; I’m just numb all the time. Even when good things happen I don’t feel the excitement and joy I used to, but when something bad happens it hits me like a tsunami. I think everything keeps piling up and eventually I’m going to break, I’m not sure when; for now I seem to be dealing alright, but I’m not sure for how much longer. 

Being numb isn’t really bothering me to be honest, I would obviously like to feel happy, but during the day when I’m going about my business I don’t really think about how I’m feeling; it’s just in the evening when I think about what happend and I can’t recall a single moment that I felt happy, that’s when I get upset. 

Thank you for reading!

The small quiet one X

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5 thoughts on “The calm before the storm

  1. I completely get how you’re feeling, but PLEASE don’t hurt yourself, ever. I’ve done it a few times in the moment when I don’t think anything can change the way I am and the way I’m feeling. I still do small things now, like today I cut myself. But it was only two very small cuts before I stopped. I’m getting better. But I don’t want you to get in that circle where you feel trapped – please, please don’t. I’m always here to talk if you need. Love Em xx

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’ve been hurting myself for around 2 and a half years but I’m trying to stop at the moment, I have be clean from self harm for a while now and I’m trying really hard not to relapse although I know at some point I will; but that’s the whole process of recovery. Try and stay clean for as long as possible, I know how you feel and I know what it’s like and after over two years I can easily say it was the biggest mistake of my life. Please try to get better because as much as it may not feel like it, people really do care. Xxx

      Like

  2. theambivert123 says:

    Just remember that I am here, always. To talk about anything. And its good to let out your feelings in a post if you cant let them out anywhere else.
    ~ The Ambivert xx

    Liked by 1 person

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