Sorry so many of my posts lately have been so negative; I have a feeling this is going to be another one.
I don’t know what I’m feeling anymore. I’m stressed about school work but I can’t find the motivation to do any, I’m tired but I find it hard to fall asleep, I’ve been getting super irritable for no reason and after being at school all day once I get home I’m drained, this is straining my relationship with my parents because they just want to know how my day was but I’m already so tired that I get snappy and rude, and I know it. I just don’t know how to regain control of myself. I haven’t been hurting myself which I guess is good, I still feel like I want to but I’m trying my hardest. Small things bother me more than ever and my patience is getting shorter and shorter but I have no idea why.
I keep trying to remember at what point during the day I was happy, but I don’t think I’ve actually felt happy for a while; I’m just numb all the time. Even when good things happen I don’t feel the excitement and joy I used to, but when something bad happens it hits me like a tsunami. I think everything keeps piling up and eventually I’m going to break, I’m not sure when; for now I seem to be dealing alright, but I’m not sure for how much longer.
Being numb isn’t really bothering me to be honest, I would obviously like to feel happy, but during the day when I’m going about my business I don’t really think about how I’m feeling; it’s just in the evening when I think about what happend and I can’t recall a single moment that I felt happy, that’s when I get upset.
Thank you for reading!
The small quiet one X