i haven’t done a general ramble in quite a while, so i thought it was probably about time!
School is going okay i guess, although i think iv’e become really intolerant and i keep getting really irritated with people, even though they haven’t done anything wrong. I’m also really worried about GCSE’s at the moment because they aren’t really that far away, yet i cant seem to make myself start revising; i think iv’e been stressed for so long, that iv’e become numb to the feeling. i want to do well so badly, i just need to start working soon, otherwise i’m not going to get the grades i’m hoping for. Between all of the homework iv’e been receiving lately and looking after my horse, i think that me and Belle (one of my closest friends who moved away a year and a half ago) have drifted apart quite a lot; Belle, my other closest friend and I have a group chat, we used to talk on it all of the time but recently its just been the odd message here and there, that usually doesn’t get replied to for a while. I guess we are all so busy that there just isn’t time anymore. I’m really hoping that once all of this GCSE rubbish is over, that the chat will get used a lot more. To be honest, i doubt this is the end of our little trio because we are all really close and we will probably be visiting her over summer; i guess i’m still getting used to the fact that she isn’t near me anymore, and that she is just as busy as i am. As you can probably tell, i don’t deal with change very well.
with regards to my mental state, i have absolutely no idea if i’m depressed; sometimes i feel so down that it feels like it can’t be anything but depression; then other times i don’t feel anything at all, and then sometimes i feel pretty alright. It seems to just depend on the day. I don’t want to be one of those people who self-diagnose; the only way for me to know if i am clinically depressed is to go to my GP, but that is a terrifying thought. I’ve been searching on the internet about signs and symptoms, and to be completely honest i experience a lot of them on a day to day basis. I am always tired, i have lost interest in some of the things i used to love doing, i get irritated and frustrated easily, and i often feel like the world would be better off without me. I don’t know.
On a more cheerful note, it’s less than one month until i go to the Halsey concert! i really cant wait, and i know its going to be amazing!
Thank you for reading!
The small quiet one X