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Alevels & music

Hello lovely people!

Iv’e been desperate to write a post for a while, but i haven’t had the time. Sixth form is still exhausting, the last two weeks seem to have been particularly difficult for some reason. Chemistry is still a hell lesson, i am so behind and confused constantly it’s so frustrating, not to mention the fact that Butt Crack just seems to understand everything instantly and I’m sat next to her not even sure if our teacher is speaking in English. Other than chemistry, my other subjects are going pretty well, biology is quite hard work but i enjoy it and my class is so fun, I’m also so glad i chose to do geography, and Spanish is pretty fun.

I’m really trying to make grades mean less to me as i have a tendency to really obsess and put all of my self worth into test results, which is pretty awful when your getting D’s in Chemistry. I also focus a lot more on how badly i do rather than the things I’m doing well in. Like, i will very quickly get over the A in Geography or Biology, and just put it down to the test being easy. But then when i get a D or an E in Chemistry it really makes me miserable, it becomes all i can think of and it makes me feel like such a failure. Hopefully i can start actually learning and moving foreword from tests, and use that as motivation to do better next time, instead of letting it upset me and make me want to quit.

As you all know (and are probably very sick of hearing about), Ed Sheeran’s new album came out last week, it is sooooooo good! I love all of the songs so much, but my favorites are probably eraser, happier, hearts don’t break around here and castle on the hill. I can’t explain how much Ed Sheeran’s music means to me, I’ve been a massive fan for around 6 years now, and his music has helped me get through some really tough times. I’m so proud of how well he’s done, the first time i saw him live it was in a tiny venue in London and i was sat pretty far back and we were still so close, yet only a few years later he sold out Wembley Stadium three days in a row. I am so excited and grateful that i was lucky enough to get tickets to see him this May, i cannot wait to see what he does this time, he is the most incredible performer. Other news in music also, Halsey has said that she will be releasing an Album in June, which i can’t wait for either! and hopefully there will also be a new Melanie Martinez album before the end of the year!

This summer i am also really hoping to go to Reading festival with a few of my friends, the line up seems pretty good, and Halsey is going to be performing which i am very happy about since she had to cancel her set at Vfestival last year. It would be the first time i go camping at a music festival which is super exciting and it will be so much fun! I just need to find a way to make enough money to pay for the ticket! I know a lot of people think that i got to too many concerts and that I’m wasting my money, but honestly i find that concerts are the moments in my life where i feel at my happiest and most relaxed. Its so easy to forget about how all the small things that sit on my shoulders and weigh me down, while I’m belting out the lyrics to the songs that i relate to and that have a meaning to me. Its a feeling that i miss from the second i leave the venue. I love being able to escape from reality and be in a bubble of joy and excitement for those few hours.

Sorry this post is so random!

Thank you for reading!

The small quiet one X

 

 

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Skincare

Hey!

So this post is going to be about my daily skincare routine, mainly because i really wanted to write a post and also i absolutely loveeeeee skincare products.

So i wash my face every morning and evening using the Nivea cream wash in the evening and the refreshing wash in the morning, neither of these are exfoliating washes, which i prefer as its not very good for your skin to exfoliate everyday. I usually exfoliate every 2/3 days using the Body Shop seaweed exfoliating scrub or the Burt’s bees peach and willow tree scrub (this one doesn’t have any micro beads, so its better for the environment! The exfoliant is very small bits of willow bark).


For a moisturizer in the evening i use the Embryolisse lait creme concentrate, its not the cheapest around but its also not super expensive and i feel like a very good moisturizer, it lasts long and iv’e never had any problems with it. In the morning in summer when my skin is slightly more oily i like to use the seaweed oil control creme from the Body Shop and in the colder months where my skin is a bit dryer i use the vitamin E moisturizer, also from the Body Shop. Both of these moisturizers are super light weight and absorb super quickly, i can’t stand my face feeling sticky for very long so i absolutely love these moisturizers, and luckily they aren’t super expensive either.


I also have 2 eye creams that i use in the morning and evening. In the morning i use the vitamin E eye cream from the Body Shop, this is also very fast absorbing like the moisturizer, and i feel like it makes my eyes less puffy in the morning. In the evening i currently use the Lanocreme vitalizing eye cream, i bought it for around £2.50 in T.K Maxx because i was wasn’t sure what would work, i personally think its a nice eye cream, especially for the price and it definitely keeps my eyes looking a lot more human, although i think i may try out a few different eye creams to see what other formulas can do for my skin, before choosing a favorite.



For cleanser and toner, which i have to admit is a step that i often skip on if i’m feeling lazy or tired (which is most days), i use the Liz Earle hot cloth cleanser and instant boost toner, they leave my skin feeling so nice and clean as well as soft and glowy. I absolutely love them and i definitely think they are worth the money, even though they are a bit more on the pricey side. Iv’e also used the Nivea cleanser and toner before, which is less time consuming and i also liked it quite a lot, all in all cleansing and toning just isn’t something i do daily anymore because i usually leave doing skin care until just before i go to sleep and i usually cant be bothered.


As with cleansing and toning, i also don’t use face masks very often, although i wish i did. They are so nice and relaxing and i know my skin would appreciate it! I just don’t really have time anymore, since A-levels have taken over my life.

I recently purchased the Mario Badescu drying lotion for spots, i absolutely adore it! You just put a little bit on spots or where a spot is coming and it makes them go away so much quicker. I don’t usually have super bad skin, but when i do get a spot it works miracles, i found it works really well on hormonal breakouts (girlsssss ya feel me??), my skin does like to go absolutely CRAZY once a month.

I hope this post has been kind of useful! All these are just my personal opinions and what i feel works best for my skin. Let me know if you’ve used or are considering using any of these products, or any of your favourite skin care products as i love trying out new skincare. I know that some people may think that i’m a bit excessive with my skincare, but its something that i really enjoy and i love my skin feeling soft and looking nice.

Thank you for reading!

The small quiet one X

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2016 

Hello!

So this post, although a bit overdue, is going to be reminiscing on the last year.

Overall I think that 2016 was a bit of a dodgy year for everyone, especially in regards to politics. Personally however, I think 2016 was decent, it definitely wasn’t the best year but looking back there are a lot of moments and memories that I will cherish forever.

In 2016 I was lucky enough to see quite a few concerts, music is a massive part of my life and I honestly don’t know what I would do without it. Being able to see the people behind the beautiful lyrics is amazing, their songs have made the painful moments more bearable and others have made the brilliant moments have an great soundtrack. I always have such a feeling of freedom during concerts, being able to scream along to every word, dance like a crazy person and just be the most care free I’ve ever been; all the while surrounded by people who feel exactly the same as me, it’s incredible. 

It’s so crazy to think that in 2016 I revised my butt off, sat my GCSE’s and got my results, that all seems like such a distant memory. I am still very pleased with my GCSE results and I’m so glad that all my revision payed off, I’m still not sure how I managed to pull of an A in maths though. GCSE’s were a rollercoaster of stress, but at the end of it I had the most wonderful night at my prom and a delightful extra long summer holiday, which definitely made all the revision worth it. I had such a wonderful summer and I spent a lot of it with my friends which was lovely, especially since many of us parted ways in September when some people went to different sixth forms. 

Obviously I also started sixth form in 2016, so far it’s just been extremely stressful. However there are a few perks- no more uniform is a pretty great one, free periods are also good fun, but having the option to leave the school grounds to get food, or just leave early if my lessons are done for the day, has got to be my favourite. I also made some new friends in 2016 as our classes are now much smaller, but also a mixture of all the forms (years 7-11 my lessons were almost exclusively a mixture of only 3 or 4 forms and there are 8 forms in total) so a lot of people I only knew of because I would walk past them every now and then, are people I see every day and spend a lot of time with, I think this has been quite nice as I think my year group as a whole, has become a lot closer.

I think a pretty big one is… I survived. There have been points during this year where I’ve felt like giving up, where things have fallen apart and where I’ve slipped back into bad ways of thinking. I know this is pretty obvious looking back at my posts throughout this year. I’m proud of making it this far, and actually being able to feel proud for getting here, there were so many moments where I was so unhappy that I honestly didn’t want to be alive anymore, but I got through it. I’ve gotten stronger and I think that I’ve gotten the voices under control a little bit more. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

2017 I think has gotten off to a good start. I spent New Year with my family in Argentina and has such an amazing time, despite the humidity being at like 80% and my hair refusing to cooperate. Also I’m living for the return of Ed Sheeran, I haven’t been okay since he posted that bloody blue square on instagram, I LOVE the new singles and I cannot wait until March 3rd for the new album! 

I ALSO MANAGED TO GET PRESALE TICKETS TO SEE HIM IN CONCERT OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m going with my friend Abby who I went to see Ed Sheeran with in like June/July 2015, although this year we’re going to be standing which I’m beyond excited about. So far I’ve never been standing at an Ed Sheeran concert, but I think standing is going to be much more fun and the atmosphere is amazing in standing from what I’ve experienced at other concerts. This will be my 4th time seeing Ed Sheeran live, and I’m losing my mind, I cannot believe how lucky I was to manage to get tickets. I cannot explain how amazing he is live oh my god, I can already feel how amazing this new album is going to be, and I know me and Abby are going to be messes throughout; I say this because I literally sobbed when I heard ‘castle on the hill’. 

Sixth form is still a bit of a struggle, I’m drowning in homework and tests and revision, but I am really enjoying most of my subjects (bar chemistry which is a literal nightmare). I love that I get to but all of my energy into these subjects which I actually want to do, rather than spending hours worrying about maths or drama or English, when they are subjects that I have not interest in. I’m definitely struggling to get back into the rhythm of independent study etc… after Christmas, but I’m slowly getting there.

I am very sorry for the lack of posts (as usual), but things have been pretty hectic lately, but I am trying, and I really do want to keep blogging and hopefully I’ll start posting more regularly at some point.

Thank you for reading!

The small quiet one X

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He has risen

Hey!!!

This is just a quick lil post to say…

ED SHEERAN IS BACK IN BUISNESS AND I DONT THINK IVE FET JOY LIKE THIS IN YEARS. 

Is it gonna be called subtract or divide or is all of this social media stuff just to distract and then it’s not even gonna be maths related. Is he releasing a single or album on Friday… NOBODY KNOWS BUT IM SO DAMN EXCITED. 

I AM HYPED

ohhhhhh boy oh boy oh boy, my friends must be dreading this because they knowwwww the new song or album or whatever he releases is going to be all I talk about for at least 6 months. 

What a great start to 2017.

I hope you all had a lovely festive period and I hope 2017 is an amazing year for you all!! 

Thank you for reading!

The small quiet one X

P.S. I know I’ve been awful at posting, sorry! I don’t think I’ll ever really have a posting schedule as I’m always pretty busy, but I will try to post more often! 

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Forgive meeeeee

Hello!

It been a while! (that seems to be how all my posts start, sorry!) As always, iv’e been busy studying and i simply haven’t had time to write a post. Iv’e missed blogging a lot and iv’e also missed reading everyone’s posts.

Since i last posted quite a bit has happened!

I went to see Melanie Martinez in concert last month, she was absolutely amazing and me and my friends didn’t get almost crushed to death like the last time, which made the whole experience even more brilliant.

Tiz also came to visit me and Butt Crack in London, the day didn’t really go as planned, but we still had an amazing day!

Me and Butt Crack had planned to go to the Lazy Oaf sample sale in the morning (Lazy Oaf is a really cute, independent clothing store in London, their stuff is pretty expensive, so we wanted to hit up the yearly sale) since Tiz wasn’t arriving in London until around 1:30. The sale was taking place a pretty long tube ride away from the center but we made it in the end, only to find ourselves faced by an enormous line to get in, so sadly we had to abandon and just go and meet Tiz and we wouldn’t have enough time. Once we met up with Tiz and exchanged some very tight hugs and “Iv’e missed you so much”es we headed to a vegan cafe we had found which do really big, extravagant (and somehow vegan) milkshakes, however we found it was absolutely bursting when we go there, so that was another plan that had to be abandoned. We then headed to Oxford Street and Regents Street to look at the Christmas lights and displays, and they definitely didn’t disappoint! Everywhere looked absolutely stunning and all the shops were so pretty! By the time we were all done looking around the shops, we decided to head to Winter Wonderland which is a massive Christmas fair, trust us to choose the busiest time to turn up, apparently winter wonderland is buzzing at 7:30 pm because the line was absolutely enormous, so yet again, we abandoned that plan and ended up chatting and laughing our heads off in a Starbucks. We then got the train back to my house and both Tiz and Butt Crack spent the night. Then very sadly Tiz had to head back home on the Sunday morning as she lives so bloody far away!

Although our plans didn’t really work out, we still had the most wonderful time; to be honest i could be doing anything with those two girls and we would still have a great time. I never really realise how much i miss her, but when i was finally able to hug her after not seeing her for like 8 months, oh boy was i close to tears.

The night before all that fun stuff, my friend Ellie was having a get together/very mini house party. Since she has moved to another college, some of her new friends were there as well as Butt Crack and a few people who also used to be at my school and also moved. All of her friends were really lovely. There was alcohol around and some people did end up getting pretty drunk, i personally haven’t ever drunk a lot, but i did have a bit, however the idea of not being in control is pretty scary for me, so iv’e never let myself get super drunk. It was a really fun night, and i managed to find out about whose seeing who and whose ‘talking to’ who, which is always interesting!

In other news, the mental health situation has been pretty odd lately, i have days where i feel like iv’e got everything under control and then i have days where i feel like everything is falling apart. Iv’e lost virtually all motivation but then i also get super worried and i make myself stressed because iv’e got so much to do and yet i just can’t bring myself to do it. Iv’e gotten to the point where i open my eyes in the morning and all i can think is ‘i cannot wait to get back into bed later’, although i’m sure a lot of people can relate to that feeling!

I’m really sorry i haven’t been posting, i promise i will try to post a bit more often, my Christmas holiday is coming up so hopefully i’ll have a bit more time then!

Thank you for reading!

The small quiet one X

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My insecurities in pictures 

Hello!

This post is incredibly personal but I also feel as though it it very necessary. There are some parts that may be triggering so please read with caution. 

Through blogging you get to know people, and you get to know them very well because most people share things over their blog that they wouldn’t share in their day to day life. I write posts that are far far far more personal and deep than anything I will ever tell my closest friends. However whenever I imagine what all of those lovely bloggers look like, it seems so easy to forget that they have flaws and imperfections too, because when you imagine what someone looks like you rarely add on those little things that make everyone so different from one another. 

As someone who is very shy and also has always had a lot of issues with my appearance this post has been very scary to make, but I have decided that it is so important that I’m going to but my own fears aside. In this post are pictures of parts of myself that I am insecure about or things that I conciser flaws in myself (please excuse the underwear that is visible in some). I feel like I need to share these, because it’s so easy to get wrapped up in self hatred through feeling as though everyone else is perfect, even though perfection doesn’t really exist. I’m hoping that this will help at least one person come to terms with their appearance just a little bit more.

The two bellow pictures are of my right and left upper thighs, they both have old scars on them.

I have also included a picture of my entire thighs because they are my biggest insecurity. I hate my legs. I feel as though they are too big and I have always wished for a ‘thigh gap’.

This is a patch of darker skin above my belly button, I have no idea where it came from or why it’s there, but I really don’t like it.

These are some stretch marks on the inside of my thigh, I was so upset and ashamed when I noticed them. 

I’ve always hated this odd spot thing on the side of my neck and it always makes me hate wearing tops that have low neck lines.

My hands are another big insecurity, i hate how short and stumpy my fingers are.

My hair, as much as I like the length and colour, it’s really thin and lacks volume, I’m always scared I’m going bald as there isn’t much of it.

This is an area of spot on my shoulder, they make me feels really self conscious if I’m wearing anything with thin straps or if I’m in a swimming costume.

I’ve never really liked my stomach, but my big issue at the moment is my waist/hips, I really wish I had a more defined waist or wider hips.

All of the images above are perfectly normal, and the only reason I actually want to change any of them is really because of the media and the idea that the only way to be beautiful is to look like the models in magazines. I really wish I found it easier to ignore those images and just love my body as it is, but it’s not that easy; we all deal with our insecurities, and they may not ever go away, but maybe learning to accept them will help me become at least a little bit happier with myself. I really hope these pictures will be of some use, I just really want to help normalise these aspects of the human body and hopefully in the future they won’t have to be considered flaws any more. 

I really hope this post hasn’t upset or offended anyone as that is certainly not my intention, but if I have please let me know and I will make any changes as soon as I can. 

Thank you for reading!

The small quiet one X

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