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A lil update

Hello again!

For once, it actually hasn’t been thaaaaaaat long since my last post.

Since that post i have unfortunately had to return to sixth form, how does summer always fly by so fast! As you may know, i took chemistry, biology, geography and Spanish for Alevel last year, and everything was going relatively well, except for chemistry. I cant’t remember how much detail i went into about the situation, but chemistry is certainly not my forte as i have since found out. I pretty much stayed consistently between a C and E grade throughout year 12, which isn’t really ideal to say the least. It also took up a huge amount of my time between lessons, homework and independent study. I think this also started to have an impact on my other classes, as in our end of year mocks i got a B in geography and biology and an A in Spanish, which isn’t bad, but i spent most of my time revising for chemistry, yet only came out of mocks with an E. I feel as though if i hadn’t had to stress so much about chemistry, then maybe i could have done a little better in my other subjects. It also feels like such a waste of my time and effort to get an E after i really did try my hardest, so i was super disappointed . I think chemistry really wore me down and was starting to make me really hate going to school because i knew i wouldn’t understand anything, and that i probably would end up failing my A level. Because of all of this, i have dropped chemistry, and oh my god is it a relief. I don’t think i had quite realized how much it was affecting my mental health and the way i felt about school. I now have more time to fully apply myself to my other subjects, and i don’t feel as awful about going to sixth form anymore.

It was a really hard decision to make, as i was worried i was closing doors on myself; especially with respect to choosing a degree, as for a lot of science based degrees you need two sciences at A level to even be considered. Luckily iv’e found a couple of different routes that i can take that don’t require chemistry. My current favorite is therapeutic radiography, which only requires one science! If any of you are in a situation similar to mine, and really can’t cope anymore, there really is no shame in cutting back on a subject. I’m beyond happy with the decision i made. Obviously if your really set on a set degree/apprenticeship/job that has strict requirements, then try to stick it out, maybe ask your teachers for extra help, or even try tutoring if you can (although i think that can get pretty pricey).

Unfortunately, despite having gotten rid of the bane of my existence, a new enemy has come along in the form of the geography NEA (Non examined assessment), which is basically just coursework from hell on steroids. It really does suck, and since this is the first the exam boards have done this, my teachers aren’t really aren’t sure of what is expected from us. We all have to choose our own question to investigate, which can be related to absolutely anything in the syllabus; which sounds pretty nice; but i just found it incredibly scary as its so open and easy to choose a dead end question that then makes the rest of the project even worse.

In other news, iv’e recently been absolutely LOVING an artist called Billie Eilish, she recently released an EP with her brother called ‘don’t smile at me’, and its amazing! If you haven’t listened to her yet then you definitely should. Her voice is incredible, and shes only 15! I think people have said shes pretty similar to Halsey or Lorde, so if your into that kind of music then you’ll definitely like her! She’s actually playing a show in London in November, but i was too slow and sadly i didn’t manage to get tickets, but next time she does a show in the UK i’m definitely going! I just need to force my friends to listen to her music too.

Thank you for reading!

The small quiet one X

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Alevels & music

Hello lovely people!

Iv’e been desperate to write a post for a while, but i haven’t had the time. Sixth form is still exhausting, the last two weeks seem to have been particularly difficult for some reason. Chemistry is still a hell lesson, i am so behind and confused constantly it’s so frustrating, not to mention the fact that Butt Crack just seems to understand everything instantly and I’m sat next to her not even sure if our teacher is speaking in English. Other than chemistry, my other subjects are going pretty well, biology is quite hard work but i enjoy it and my class is so fun, I’m also so glad i chose to do geography, and Spanish is pretty fun.

I’m really trying to make grades mean less to me as i have a tendency to really obsess and put all of my self worth into test results, which is pretty awful when your getting D’s in Chemistry. I also focus a lot more on how badly i do rather than the things I’m doing well in. Like, i will very quickly get over the A in Geography or Biology, and just put it down to the test being easy. But then when i get a D or an E in Chemistry it really makes me miserable, it becomes all i can think of and it makes me feel like such a failure. Hopefully i can start actually learning and moving foreword from tests, and use that as motivation to do better next time, instead of letting it upset me and make me want to quit.

As you all know (and are probably very sick of hearing about), Ed Sheeran’s new album came out last week, it is sooooooo good! I love all of the songs so much, but my favorites are probably eraser, happier, hearts don’t break around here and castle on the hill. I can’t explain how much Ed Sheeran’s music means to me, I’ve been a massive fan for around 6 years now, and his music has helped me get through some really tough times. I’m so proud of how well he’s done, the first time i saw him live it was in a tiny venue in London and i was sat pretty far back and we were still so close, yet only a few years later he sold out Wembley Stadium three days in a row. I am so excited and grateful that i was lucky enough to get tickets to see him this May, i cannot wait to see what he does this time, he is the most incredible performer. Other news in music also, Halsey has said that she will be releasing an Album in June, which i can’t wait for either! and hopefully there will also be a new Melanie Martinez album before the end of the year!

This summer i am also really hoping to go to Reading festival with a few of my friends, the line up seems pretty good, and Halsey is going to be performing which i am very happy about since she had to cancel her set at Vfestival last year. It would be the first time i go camping at a music festival which is super exciting and it will be so much fun! I just need to find a way to make enough money to pay for the ticket! I know a lot of people think that i got to too many concerts and that I’m wasting my money, but honestly i find that concerts are the moments in my life where i feel at my happiest and most relaxed. Its so easy to forget about how all the small things that sit on my shoulders and weigh me down, while I’m belting out the lyrics to the songs that i relate to and that have a meaning to me. Its a feeling that i miss from the second i leave the venue. I love being able to escape from reality and be in a bubble of joy and excitement for those few hours.

Sorry this post is so random!

Thank you for reading!

The small quiet one X

 

 

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2016 

Hello!

So this post, although a bit overdue, is going to be reminiscing on the last year.

Overall I think that 2016 was a bit of a dodgy year for everyone, especially in regards to politics. Personally however, I think 2016 was decent, it definitely wasn’t the best year but looking back there are a lot of moments and memories that I will cherish forever.

In 2016 I was lucky enough to see quite a few concerts, music is a massive part of my life and I honestly don’t know what I would do without it. Being able to see the people behind the beautiful lyrics is amazing, their songs have made the painful moments more bearable and others have made the brilliant moments have an great soundtrack. I always have such a feeling of freedom during concerts, being able to scream along to every word, dance like a crazy person and just be the most care free I’ve ever been; all the while surrounded by people who feel exactly the same as me, it’s incredible. 

It’s so crazy to think that in 2016 I revised my butt off, sat my GCSE’s and got my results, that all seems like such a distant memory. I am still very pleased with my GCSE results and I’m so glad that all my revision payed off, I’m still not sure how I managed to pull of an A in maths though. GCSE’s were a rollercoaster of stress, but at the end of it I had the most wonderful night at my prom and a delightful extra long summer holiday, which definitely made all the revision worth it. I had such a wonderful summer and I spent a lot of it with my friends which was lovely, especially since many of us parted ways in September when some people went to different sixth forms. 

Obviously I also started sixth form in 2016, so far it’s just been extremely stressful. However there are a few perks- no more uniform is a pretty great one, free periods are also good fun, but having the option to leave the school grounds to get food, or just leave early if my lessons are done for the day, has got to be my favourite. I also made some new friends in 2016 as our classes are now much smaller, but also a mixture of all the forms (years 7-11 my lessons were almost exclusively a mixture of only 3 or 4 forms and there are 8 forms in total) so a lot of people I only knew of because I would walk past them every now and then, are people I see every day and spend a lot of time with, I think this has been quite nice as I think my year group as a whole, has become a lot closer.

I think a pretty big one is… I survived. There have been points during this year where I’ve felt like giving up, where things have fallen apart and where I’ve slipped back into bad ways of thinking. I know this is pretty obvious looking back at my posts throughout this year. I’m proud of making it this far, and actually being able to feel proud for getting here, there were so many moments where I was so unhappy that I honestly didn’t want to be alive anymore, but I got through it. I’ve gotten stronger and I think that I’ve gotten the voices under control a little bit more. 

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2017 I think has gotten off to a good start. I spent New Year with my family in Argentina and has such an amazing time, despite the humidity being at like 80% and my hair refusing to cooperate. Also I’m living for the return of Ed Sheeran, I haven’t been okay since he posted that bloody blue square on instagram, I LOVE the new singles and I cannot wait until March 3rd for the new album! 

I ALSO MANAGED TO GET PRESALE TICKETS TO SEE HIM IN CONCERT OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m going with my friend Abby who I went to see Ed Sheeran with in like June/July 2015, although this year we’re going to be standing which I’m beyond excited about. So far I’ve never been standing at an Ed Sheeran concert, but I think standing is going to be much more fun and the atmosphere is amazing in standing from what I’ve experienced at other concerts. This will be my 4th time seeing Ed Sheeran live, and I’m losing my mind, I cannot believe how lucky I was to manage to get tickets. I cannot explain how amazing he is live oh my god, I can already feel how amazing this new album is going to be, and I know me and Abby are going to be messes throughout; I say this because I literally sobbed when I heard ‘castle on the hill’. 

Sixth form is still a bit of a struggle, I’m drowning in homework and tests and revision, but I am really enjoying most of my subjects (bar chemistry which is a literal nightmare). I love that I get to but all of my energy into these subjects which I actually want to do, rather than spending hours worrying about maths or drama or English, when they are subjects that I have not interest in. I’m definitely struggling to get back into the rhythm of independent study etc… after Christmas, but I’m slowly getting there.

I am very sorry for the lack of posts (as usual), but things have been pretty hectic lately, but I am trying, and I really do want to keep blogging and hopefully I’ll start posting more regularly at some point.

Thank you for reading!

The small quiet one X

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