30 day blogging challenge

My siblings

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Heyyy!

It’s the 11th day of the 30 day blogging challenge, a post about my siblings.

I have a brother who is two and a bit years older, when i was only a few years old apparently he really liked me, my parents say he used to feed me my bottle and stuff. However when he started primary school he changed his mind, he really hated me and would try to hurt me, obviously my parents didn’t let him; this carried on for a few years and he used to try to strangle me while i was sleeping or drown me if we went swimming. Not long after all of this though, we found out that my brother has anger management issues, so it makes sense i guess since i couldn’t really stand up for myself, i was an easy target.

All of this kind of ruined our relationship, once we were both older and he was on medication, we still argued all the time and there was a lot of name calling; but he stopped the violence which was nice.

I think now that he has moved out, and we aren’t constantly around each other arguing, out relationship is starting to improve, and i’m finally getting over all of the stuff that happened when i was younger. We still argue every now and then, but we are also able to have normal conversations and have a laugh sometimes, which is a big relief.

I am glad i have a sibling, i just wish we were able to get along better.

Thank you for reading!

The small quiet one X

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30 day blogging challenge

My relationship with my parents

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Hello wonderful people!

Its day two of the 30 day blogging challenge:

I think i get along pretty well with both of my parents. We obviously argue every now and then, but most of the time its very minor, and mainly because I’m being stubborn.

My mum is really lovely and caring, she’s been unbelievably helpful and supportive of my horse riding, and spends so much of her own time helping me out with stable duties. I really appreciate everything she does for me, even though I’m not very good at showing how great full i am. My dad and i always joke around and have ‘mad banter’ as he puts it. He’s not as interested in the horse, but he is also supportive and acts as a taxi service to get me to and from the yard. My parents also respect my privacy which is really nice and they also seem to trust me quite a lot, and give me quite a bit of independence. I think this has improved our relationship quite a lot, because i used to get frustrated when my parents sheltered and babied me.

I think the main issue in my relationship with my parents is the fact that i don’t express how I’m feeling, i love both of my parents so so so much, but i don’t tell them, i guess I’m just very bad at talking about my feelings. Because of this i sometimes end up getting frustrated because my parents don’t realise when I’m down, because i constantly act as though I’m doing great. For example during my GCSE’s i was crumbling under the pressure that i had put on myself, and because i refused to tell my parents or ask them for support, i ended up getting really moody with them because i felt like they were being uncaring, but deep down i know it’s because i refuse to let them in.

Me and my parents also don’t see eye to eye on issues about sexuality and LGBTQ+ related topics, my friend Fred is gay, and I’m obviously completely fine with it, love is love and i don’t see why some people have an issue with it. My parents, when they found out Fred was gay, made comments to me about him doing it for attention or how it was just a phase. I know these are the kinds of things a lot of older people say; but i couldn’t possibly disagree anymore with their views. This put some strain on my relationship with my parents, because whenever i mentioned Fred, one of them would make a rude comment, and i would much rather my parents not be rude about my friends, especially to my face, when they haven’t even spent any time getting to know him.

Despite our differences, i still love my parents more than anything, i just need to work on showing it, and maybe trying to be a little bit less argumentative. I also would really like to open up a bit more to my parents, as i think iv’e closed myself off, which probably made things far worse when i was dealing with the depths of depression, and i think if i were to get bad again, having better communication with my parents would probably help me get better quicker.

Thank you for reading!

The small quiet one X

 

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2015, Uncategorized

2015 in a nutshell 

Hi everyone!

So i’m sure your all going to be trawling through hundreds of these types of posts for the next few days; but i thought i would do one anyway 😀

I cannot believe how quickly 2015 has gone by, but at the same time it feels like it has lasted ages. Its a weird feeling and its hard to explain, i hope you get what i mean! I’m just going to write about a few of my favorite parts of this year.

  1. I was able to start my year seeing my mums side of the family, they live in another country so we rarely see them and it was lovely to start the New Year with people i love so much, yet never see.
  2.  In the spring i went to visit one of my closest friends who moved away over a year ago, iv’e missed her so much and getting to spend time with her was so lovely and i know i’m going to hold those memories close for a long time.
  3. My birthday (also in the spring time) was so much fun and i had the best day out with two of my good friends, it was really relaxed and just a wonderful day overall.
  4. I managed to scrape an A in my history course work, which i was convinced i had failed; its such a relief to have a decent grade tucked away to help boost my final history grade
  5. I stopped self harming frequently, this is a massive achievement for me because for a long time i relied on self harm almost everyday, the periods of time i go clean now are much longer; i’m not anywhere near recovered but i think i may be getting slightly better.
  6. I went on holiday to Spain with my mum, we had an amazing two weeks in the sun, and i got an amazing tan!
  7. I saw Ed Sheeran at Wembley stadium with one of my friends, it was honestly one of the best nights of my life and i had the most amazing time!
  8. I got really far in my horse riding this year, my pony is coming on really well and she looks like a completely different horse to the one i unloaded from a trailer a few years ago; i am so proud of her and myself for all the improvements we have both made.
  9. My friend got me tickets to see Troye Sivan live, i honestly almost cried.
  10. I think i managed to improve my relationship with my family quite a lot this year, to begin with i didn’t think i would be able to but nowadays me and my mum get along pretty well and the same with my dad. And me and my brother get in to way less arguments than ever. I guess we’re all maturing, and i’m learning to be a bit more tolerant.
  11. This blog, iv’e been posting much more this year and i am really enjoying it, i hope you all are to!

I think ill stick with 11 for now as i could go on forever! This year has been really wonderful and i am so great full for all of the amazing people in my life who have made the hard times easier, and the grey days brighter.

I have been thinking about maybe doing a recap post at the end of each month about whats been going on, how i’m feeling and all that good stuff. I think it would be really nice to be able to look back on in the future, and maybe you guys would be interested to? I’m not sure really, what do you think?

Thank you for reading!

The small quiet one X

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Uncategorized

In 5 years…

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halfway through the 30 day blogging challenge! Where will i be in five years?

In five years time i will be 21 years old, hopefully i’ll be studying veterinary and it’ll be going well! I would also hope my horse riding it better and that i’m more confident with competing and jumping. I hope i’m happier than i am now, and that thoughts of self harm are long gone, I hope i wont have to fake a smile and answer with ‘i’m fine’ when i’m really not. Hopefully i’ll still be in contact with a lot of my current friends, as i have known a lot of them since i was around four, and i cant possibly fathom my life without them; I also hope I am able to make more friends that i can be one hundred percent myself with. I would love to have a much better relationship with my family; especially my brother as we can never get along. I guess it would be nice to have a boyfriend, one that i can always go to when i’m feeling down, someone that can always make me laugh and i can trust and open up to. I hope that i’m planning trips and adventures to foreign counties and getting out of my comfort zone. I want to be more confident, I want to be able to talk to a crowd and contribute my thoughts and ideas without getting anxious. I hope i’m healthy, that my diet it good and i’m getting the right amount of exercise.

Thank you for reading!

The small quiet one X

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Uncategorized

5 current goals

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30 day blogging challenge, day 8-  5 current goals

  • my absolute top goal it to do well in my GCSE exams in the summer, i really hope i can make myself work hard and do all the revision i need to get the results i want.
  • another goal of mine is to get my pony out to more shows by improving both my riding, and ensuring that she is properly prepared and trained to do more dressage and jumping.
  • a goal that seems pretty minor but i think would make a huge difference is getting my sleep pattern in check and not allowing myself to stay up until 2 or 3 AM when i have school the next day.
  • i would like to get healthier, however i’m not sure if that’s going to happen!
  • lastly, i want to have a better relationship with my parents; we don’t necessarily have a bad one, its just that there’s quite a bit of arguing and i want to change that.

Thank you for reading!

The small quiet one X

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