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A lil update

Hello again!

For once, it actually hasn’t been thaaaaaaat long since my last post.

Since that post i have unfortunately had to return to sixth form, how does summer always fly by so fast! As you may know, i took chemistry, biology, geography and Spanish for Alevel last year, and everything was going relatively well, except for chemistry. I cant’t remember how much detail i went into about the situation, but chemistry is certainly not my forte as i have since found out. I pretty much stayed consistently between a C and E grade throughout year 12, which isn’t really ideal to say the least. It also took up a huge amount of my time between lessons, homework and independent study. I think this also started to have an impact on my other classes, as in our end of year mocks i got a B in geography and biology and an A in Spanish, which isn’t bad, but i spent most of my time revising for chemistry, yet only came out of mocks with an E. I feel as though if i hadn’t had to stress so much about chemistry, then maybe i could have done a little better in my other subjects. It also feels like such a waste of my time and effort to get an E after i really did try my hardest, so i was super disappointed . I think chemistry really wore me down and was starting to make me really hate going to school because i knew i wouldn’t understand anything, and that i probably would end up failing my A level. Because of all of this, i have dropped chemistry, and oh my god is it a relief. I don’t think i had quite realized how much it was affecting my mental health and the way i felt about school. I now have more time to fully apply myself to my other subjects, and i don’t feel as awful about going to sixth form anymore.

It was a really hard decision to make, as i was worried i was closing doors on myself; especially with respect to choosing a degree, as for a lot of science based degrees you need two sciences at A level to even be considered. Luckily iv’e found a couple of different routes that i can take that don’t require chemistry. My current favorite is therapeutic radiography, which only requires one science! If any of you are in a situation similar to mine, and really can’t cope anymore, there really is no shame in cutting back on a subject. I’m beyond happy with the decision i made. Obviously if your really set on a set degree/apprenticeship/job that has strict requirements, then try to stick it out, maybe ask your teachers for extra help, or even try tutoring if you can (although i think that can get pretty pricey).

Unfortunately, despite having gotten rid of the bane of my existence, a new enemy has come along in the form of the geography NEA (Non examined assessment), which is basically just coursework from hell on steroids. It really does suck, and since this is the first the exam boards have done this, my teachers aren’t really aren’t sure of what is expected from us. We all have to choose our own question to investigate, which can be related to absolutely anything in the syllabus; which sounds pretty nice; but i just found it incredibly scary as its so open and easy to choose a dead end question that then makes the rest of the project even worse.

In other news, iv’e recently been absolutely LOVING an artist called Billie Eilish, she recently released an EP with her brother called ‘don’t smile at me’, and its amazing! If you haven’t listened to her yet then you definitely should. Her voice is incredible, and shes only 15! I think people have said shes pretty similar to Halsey or Lorde, so if your into that kind of music then you’ll definitely like her! She’s actually playing a show in London in November, but i was too slow and sadly i didn’t manage to get tickets, but next time she does a show in the UK i’m definitely going! I just need to force my friends to listen to her music too.

Thank you for reading!

The small quiet one X

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Forgive meeeeee

Hello!

It been a while! (that seems to be how all my posts start, sorry!) As always, iv’e been busy studying and i simply haven’t had time to write a post. Iv’e missed blogging a lot and iv’e also missed reading everyone’s posts.

Since i last posted quite a bit has happened!

I went to see Melanie Martinez in concert last month, she was absolutely amazing and me and my friends didn’t get almost crushed to death like the last time, which made the whole experience even more brilliant.

Tiz also came to visit me and Butt Crack in London, the day didn’t really go as planned, but we still had an amazing day!

Me and Butt Crack had planned to go to the Lazy Oaf sample sale in the morning (Lazy Oaf is a really cute, independent clothing store in London, their stuff is pretty expensive, so we wanted to hit up the yearly sale) since Tiz wasn’t arriving in London until around 1:30. The sale was taking place a pretty long tube ride away from the center but we made it in the end, only to find ourselves faced by an enormous line to get in, so sadly we had to abandon and just go and meet Tiz and we wouldn’t have enough time. Once we met up with Tiz and exchanged some very tight hugs and “Iv’e missed you so much”es we headed to a vegan cafe we had found which do really big, extravagant (and somehow vegan) milkshakes, however we found it was absolutely bursting when we go there, so that was another plan that had to be abandoned. We then headed to Oxford Street and Regents Street to look at the Christmas lights and displays, and they definitely didn’t disappoint! Everywhere looked absolutely stunning and all the shops were so pretty! By the time we were all done looking around the shops, we decided to head to Winter Wonderland which is a massive Christmas fair, trust us to choose the busiest time to turn up, apparently winter wonderland is buzzing at 7:30 pm because the line was absolutely enormous, so yet again, we abandoned that plan and ended up chatting and laughing our heads off in a Starbucks. We then got the train back to my house and both Tiz and Butt Crack spent the night. Then very sadly Tiz had to head back home on the Sunday morning as she lives so bloody far away!

Although our plans didn’t really work out, we still had the most wonderful time; to be honest i could be doing anything with those two girls and we would still have a great time. I never really realise how much i miss her, but when i was finally able to hug her after not seeing her for like 8 months, oh boy was i close to tears.

The night before all that fun stuff, my friend Ellie was having a get together/very mini house party. Since she has moved to another college, some of her new friends were there as well as Butt Crack and a few people who also used to be at my school and also moved. All of her friends were really lovely. There was alcohol around and some people did end up getting pretty drunk, i personally haven’t ever drunk a lot, but i did have a bit, however the idea of not being in control is pretty scary for me, so iv’e never let myself get super drunk. It was a really fun night, and i managed to find out about whose seeing who and whose ‘talking to’ who, which is always interesting!

In other news, the mental health situation has been pretty odd lately, i have days where i feel like iv’e got everything under control and then i have days where i feel like everything is falling apart. Iv’e lost virtually all motivation but then i also get super worried and i make myself stressed because iv’e got so much to do and yet i just can’t bring myself to do it. Iv’e gotten to the point where i open my eyes in the morning and all i can think is ‘i cannot wait to get back into bed later’, although i’m sure a lot of people can relate to that feeling!

I’m really sorry i haven’t been posting, i promise i will try to post a bit more often, my Christmas holiday is coming up so hopefully i’ll have a bit more time then!

Thank you for reading!

The small quiet one X

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anonymous

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Day 18 of the 30 day blogging challenge is a photo of myself, i will not be posting a photo of myself as i want this blog to be completely anonymous, this is mainly to avoid people who i know finding that i run this blog. A lot of the things i post on here are very private and personal and i don’t want my family or people from my school to find out, as long as i’m anonymous i will continue to be one hundred percent myself on my blog, it makes me feel more comfortable sharing my story and my experiences. Maybe one day i will be brave enough to post a photo of myself, but for now i prefer to remain anonymous.

Thank you for reading!

The small quiet one X

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